Since the dawn of time, bloggers who don’t post very often have started off their posts with the reasons they have been sidetracked, and sincere promises to “start back up again.” Like dieters who just need that one last day before they get “back on the wagon,” these bloggers lie to themselves and their readers about what they know will happen next: another long lag between posts. So in this grand tradition, I proudly present to you my latest (but not last) excuse: I’ve had the flu.

No, not the flu that you get from drinking too much, or the flu that’s really a cold but you call it a flu so you can get an extra day off of work. I had vacation time scheduled anyway, so I was truly the only victim here.

When you’re stuck in bed for several days, little things start to annoy you. Actually, everything starts to annoy you. But since being stuck in bed in front of a TV is all you have to do, TV is what annoys you most.

I’ve made a list of a few observations from my week with the flu, in no particular order.

1-Could anyone possibly still have an undiscovered case of mesothelioma? Where has this person been for the last decade?

2- The new Starz series Boss is incredibly depressing. Kelsey Grammer is good in it, but wow, it does not make you feel good about life. I don’t recommend you watch it while stuck in bed.

3- Tom Cruise is always a good guy. Even if you think he’s bad, he’s actually good. No, he’s not a double agent. The other guy is. Yes, even if it looks like he’s doing something really bad, he’s still good.

4- Remind me NEVER to watch another movie on the TV Guide Channel. I started watching The Pelican Brief on TV Guide Channel. I wasn’t in any shape to time it, but I would estimate that they were running 30 minutes an hour of commercials. In order to accomplish this, they edited out key scenes in the movie so poorly that sometimes they would rejoin the movie with dialogue in progress. Finally, the audio wasn’t synced with the video. All in all, a quality experience.

5- I spent some quality time watching The Science Channel, until I couldn’t take the “Dragon Naturally Speaking” commercials anymore. Seemingly every commercial break, they would play a 5 MINUTE LONG commercial. The same one every time. If you want to torture yourself, you can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbffVqWIKqw

6- I know that there have always been a lot of crazy prescription medicines out there for crazy illnesses, but the one that give you longer eyelashes has to be the best one ever. Seriously.

7- Finally, a word about Time Warner Cable. My Tivo isn’t getting certain channels because the tuning adapter provided by TWC isn’t working right. My appointment was for Monday 2-4, a time period when I was at my very worst. But I dragged myself out of bed. I could probably drag this out, but most of you already know the ending: the person that Time Warner Cable sent to replace my tuning adapter failed to bring any tuning adapters with them.

I know this blog has been a bit of a downer, so let me leave you with some practical advice. Get a flu shot.